How to Handle Toddler Tantrums: Guide for Parents

The developmental changes that parent frequently witness at around 2-year-olds of children are referred to as the "trouble twos”. Due to the frequent changes in a child's mood and behavior at this age, as well as the challenge of managing them, parents may find it to be a difficult time. Your toddler might be clinging to you one moment and pushing you away the next. Even though this period causes so much challenge to the parents, it’s normal within the developmental period. 

What's going on at two?

Two is the age when major developmental changes such as motor, intellectual, social, and emotional happen in children’s life. It is challenging for them to handle all these changes, especially while they are starting to become an individual. Thus, most of the time they may also quit breastfeeding or start socializing more. Imagine experiencing all of these as a two-year-old. The difficulty of this normal developmental process may lead to impulsive behavior, frustration, complex feelings, and tantrums.

One of the major consequences of this process is tantrums. Tantrums happen because toddlers want to express themselves, yet they find it difficult. They feel frustrated, and the frustration comes out as a tantrum. Tantrums may occur in all shapes and sizes. They can involve the intense expression of anger, frustration, or disorganized behavior. You might observe screaming, kicking, falling, flailing about, or running away. In some cases, if children felt misunderstood or unrequited, they may show much more intense expressions such as holding their breath, vomiting, breaking things, and hurting themselves or other people as part of a tantrum. It is important to create a space for children to express their emotions while feeling accepted and seen. 

How to handle toddler tantrums? 

It might be difficult to figure out how to manage tantrums. First of all, accept that you’re also a human and it’s not easy to watch your toddler struggling, you’re allowed to feel all those feelings. After you accept your experience, you can now help your little one to manage this period. 

1. Learn what they’re dealing with. The first step is to learn more about the changes that your toddler experiencing. At around age two, children’s social-emotional abilities develop, and they start feeling and communicating more.  Socializing comes with curiosity, which encourages them to explore more. So, they start to become an independent individual. However, since they don’t have any previous experience, they may need assistance, but they can’t ask for it in a proper way of communication and tantrums occur. As a parent, if you know and predict their needs according to their age, you may help them.
2. Make them feel safe. Since they are not able to understand what is going on in their mind and body, they may feel scared or confused. Feeling scared and confused may increase the intensity of their tantrums. Before letting them disclose their emotions, it is beneficial to create a safe space for them. You can stay quietly with your child touch or hold them if they want or give them more physical space if they need it until they calm down. Try not to respond with anger or frustration. Remember that they’re confused, screaming at them, or ignoring their tantrums may cause them to feel unaccepted.
3. Let them express their emotions. Behaviors such as screaming, kicking, or crying are their way of expressing emotions. Since these behaviors may be difficult to experience or harm them, you can create safer ways to express emotions. Children at two years old, can’t understand the concept of emotions, so talking is not the best solution for them. You can use play dough, do sport, or play with a fluffy toy, and let them convert their emotions into a physical act. Which will help them to release compressed energy within them.

Basically, by accepting the changes your child is going through and showing them love and acceptance, you'll help your child make it through this difficult stage easier. However, it is also important to make this process smooth for yourself too.

How do you feel as a parent? 

Not just for your two-year-old but it is also a challenging time for you. Being aware of what your toddler is going through might not prevent you from feeling tired or frustrated. You may even feel anger from time to time, accepting the process does not mean being optimistic about it all the time. Don’t feel guilty about how you feel, instead give little breaks, ask for help, express your emotions, and have the plan to manage tantrums. 

• Accept that you can’t control your child’s emotions, you can only keep your child safe and guide their behavior. 
• Accept that it may take some time. Developing and practicing self-regulation skills is a life-long task, give some time to yourself and your child. 
• Beware that your child is not doing it on purpose or trying to upset you. They’re just struggling to keep up with the developmental changes. 
• If other people give you judging looks, don’t let them make you feel guilty. Every child and situation is different, so they may not be able to fully understand your point. 

Remember that this is just a period and will end up later. Try to focus on the positive and support your children’s developmental process while letting yourself and your children have and express emotions.